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Kangaroos are Not Kosher - Howie & Debbie Down Under

Marching in an (almost) straight line Oct 11, 2009

Sunday October 11 – Sydney

Marching in an (almost) straight line

This is too good: There is a leadership vote upcoming to determine the leader of the loyal opposition in the Australian Parliament. The name of the front-runner is Joe Hockey. I am not making this up. He’s a merchant banker who made gazillions while the rest of Oz lost its shirt over the past 2 years. He would be elected in a second in Canada based solely on his name.

Today had 2 distinct parts. The morning was spent scouting bargains at Paddy’s Markets in Chinatown; about 2 blocks from the hotel. The rest of the day was spent at Sydney Olympic Park getting ready for and participating in the Opening Ceremonies for the Games.

Paddy’s Markets consist of a massive 5-storey building with a different flavour to each floor. At the top, an entertainment complex. On floors 3-4, a ‘regular’ shopping mall. On floor 2, an ‘outlet’ brand name mall. The ground floor is where the fun begins, as that is where the ‘market’ springs up each week from Thursday-Sunday.

The ground floor market, amoeba-like, actually spills over into at least 2 other buildings, all available space between them, and much of the surrounding landscape. This is where Sydney and all of its’ tourists go to get things made in China with labels that say “Made in Australia”.

This is where the fridge magnet that costs $3 at the ‘upscale’ market at The Rocks only costs $1. If you need a pair of scissors that will last for at least a week, this is where you must come to buy them. For those wishing to purchase a t-shirt guaranteed to leave an indelible stain on all other clothes in the machine with it during it’s first machine washing AND shrink to ¼ its size as well, this is where you’ll find them.

Based on all of that, Paddy’s Markets is clearly where we will be buying all of the gifts for our friends & family. You’ve been fairly warned now about the t-shirt thing.

Food is expensive in Australia. Eating infrequently is one option. Hunting down an inexpensive meal is another. We have stumbled onto “Coles” which has morphed from the name of a bookstore (in Canada) to a grocery store chain here. Our “Coles” is located in the middle of a downtown shopping mall.

I did not know that Sydney had so many downtown shopping malls. It does. This is not likely a good thing. I have met many competitors from the Games – there are 28,000 of them; it’s hard to turn around and not bump into them. Conversations follow this formula:

1. Where are you from?

2. What sport are you in?

3. What sport is your wife in?

I’ve taken to answering Question 3 by letting them know that my wife is a shoe-in for Gold in the Freestyle Shopping Competition. I qualify that by noting that at this time she is actually only in training, as there has been pretty much solely Window Shopping to report on to date. She has told me that she expects to give up her amateur status and turn pro shortly, however.

I digress. Back to the hunt for inexpensive sustenance. In furtherance of that goal, and as a sort of experiment, we ate lunch at a fast-food joint called “Oporto” which offers grilled chicken and burgers. Actually, only chicken burgers. I had the Bondi Burger. It surfed right through me, all right. Mind you, all chicken at Oporto is Halal, so at least there is that.

We took the train back to Sydney Olympic Park for the World Masters Games Opening Ceremonies. We arrived at 3:15pm. The Opening Ceremonies started at 6:30pm. Old people do well at following instructions, sort of. We were asked to arrive early to gather for the Parade of Athletes so we did.

Pat & I headed for the Sydney Showgrounds Stadium, which was used for the competitors, divided into sport, in preparation for the march. Thus began the first official event of the 2009 Sydney World Masters Games – Long Distance Standing Around.

Debbie & Elaine, as accredited “Accompanying Persons”, had an opportunity to compete in the same event (amateur-side) at ground level on the field inside Olympic Stadium, which is called ANZ Stadium. During the ensuing 3 hours, they were treated to a variety of live and video-screen entertainment. During those same ensuing 3 hours, Pat & I got to drink beer. Fair trade. Exactly what else do finely tuned athletes do on the eve of competition?

At 6:30pm sharp the Parade of Athletes began. Well, actually, the shuffle step and then stand around waiting for your turn to ‘march’ began. The walk from the Sydney Showgrounds stadium to ANZ Stadium is probably ½ a mile. The walk in the tunnels at field level surrounding ANZ Stadium is probably 5 miles.

But then, in a radiant burst of stadium lights at the opening from the tunnel complex comes the moment of glory – proudly marching into Olympic Stadium with your fellow athletes; waving flags; singing songs; cameras flashing; video cameras rolling; cheering and roaring from the crowds; looking for your wife in the stands; finding out she is already on the field and waiting for you to pop out of the tunnel and into the stadium so she can join you for the rest of the march to your assigned seats.

Imagine, Olympic Stadium. 88,000 seats. Almost ½ of them actually filled up with friends, family and athletes, not too mention the entire field area filled up too. This was actually pretty neat. Ok, it was downright awesome. Of note – old people cannot actually march in a straight line. It kind of meanders.

But that isn’t what I wanted to talk about. Turns out, old people aren’t actually that good at following directions, after all. The Golf competitors were clearly being herded into plastic seats (row after row after row) set up on the field while other athletes were being herded into seats in the stands, where you could actually have a good vantage point to take it all in.

Making an executive decision, we abandoned our fellow golf competitors and headed up into the stands, masquerading as stray members from the Brazilian men’s (30-35 yr old) soccer team. The ruse worked. For the next 3 hours we had primo seats in the middle of a raucous bunch of Brazilians; trading pins, hats, wives. Good times.

The Opening Ceremonies entertainment consisted of all sorts of things; highlighted by the singing of “Australia Fair” (the national anthem) in both English and an Aboriginal language, which captivated the crowd. A “Dreaming” song and dance by a bunch of Aborigines, who clearly got lost during walkabout and ended up playing the didgeridoo to a mesmerized stadium, was also quite the sight.

And so, let the Games begin!

Paddy’s Market Note: There was one significant purchase. Jackie Mason says that there is nothing more obnoxious than a Jew with a boat. Check out my new bush ranger hat in the accompanying photo and let me know if you think that his line needs updating.